damage per second

1. modded layout! now this is more like it XD i want a new, better layout though. something clean and modern and monochromatic and with photographic layout feel. i still feel this layout is cluttered.

2. finally! Fantastico = Wordpress 2.6! i lost my categories though, ugh, and had to re-categorize all entries half of the day, thus costing me sleeping time >.<. i don’t know if i should be happy or not that i actually have 100+ entries already @___@;;. and mostly all just ramblings…

3. omg i didn’t realize i’m already halfway through my picture wishlist askdfgkdgjldlskl:

and that Sard is actually already halfway through the layaway. so, technically, 5.5/10. or, more accurately, 5.5/21, if considering the next in priority in the wishlist (the complete list on my Wish —> page!):

11. SSDF body (real skin white)
12. Blueblood Silver
13. Dollzone Hong (white?/normal?)
14. AiL Bertram (white)
15. DiM Nakagauchi Masataka (white) yes XD
16. DiM Baba Tooru (white) i’m too excited to do all his beauty marks already asldkfjslfkdslk
17. DiM L’oeil
18. DM Huey Lewis
19. Soom Lazule / Spinel(<–still bummed about which mold, really = cream white + bjd hands)
20. Dollzone 70cm body + new (72cm’s) hands (white) the bulkiness/Volks-ishness of this body somehow still has appeal to me
21. Feeple Boy Body (white)

…how the hell did my wishlist get this long anyway =___=;;;…?

after layaway-ing Sard, i think i’ll layaway Pado next (if he doesn’t get sold out by the time i can layaway him, that is -__-;). and in the process or right after, i think i’ll either save up for that digital Canon and/or pay off my debts (=___^;;). Luts just go ahead and do not release the real-skin white SSDF yet XD.

4. I’ve already also put up my Personae page too —> and my Moon is already… nameless. i actually already have a name for him, but i will christen him on the proper date^^;;…

5. i caved >__< :

it’s those tassels. those tassels of doom, i tell you. and the jewelry. and the way the cloth falls and flows around too.

i would have wanted this as well:

but i still have to buy two epic Dollheart outfits >.<:

*…dies*

…someday. someday.

6. the battle of the 70cms chart updated! (but mainly I call this my Big Boys Chart now XD):

7. is this actually safe for bjds? (as in no oil-seepage from it in the future or something >.<? just using it for the occasional prop-holding, not for semi-permanent eye putty… i’m paranoid. and somehow i couldn’t find info on the chemical components of this product at the net):

( other things that have popped up during the past few days but i could not avail of =__=;;… )

i finally got a reply from Elemental today! my wig wait officially starts!

i’m about to start a certain battle tomorrow too.

i get into this certain zone too that i’m starting to call Kim “Toru”. He’s weirded out. I’m weirded out. So he’s basically annoyed saying now, “If you can’t make up your mind, don’t call me anything!”

>.<;;. (reference to my issues and plans with “Kim”. hai.)

He’s sleeping with me now. Thankfully, i don’t move around much when i’m asleep. and we’re in a futon, so no danger of him falling from bed and breaking that lovely regal nose. i really wonder why i like sleeping more in the futon than on the bed aside from the fact i like my back straight when i sleep and there’s no bedsheets on the bed now and i feel too meticulous wanting to clean the surrounding area first before actually putting on bedsheets. haha.

and it’s the last day of the workweek. yey~~~~

but next week is even hellish, because it’s deliberations once again (meaning, there’s the danger i would be out of work after next week. considering too i did two mistakes again in a row this week. and on the same process. as in MAJOR MISTAKE. damn. i think our leader already put some invisible red flag on my forehead, so i’m so in trouble for friday next week… =____=;;;….)

on further OT note, Ba-chon really gets this certain happy/lively tone whenever talking with/to Masa. His voice is usually smoothly low and almost in monotone, but when he’s with Masa, his voice just makes me feel… giggly ~~^.^~~.

i ate marshmallow and some instant noodles to start the day lol. it was not just a “marshmallow”, it was a “maaaaarshmaaaaaaaaaaaallooooooooooooow”. because it was really long lol! and “to start the day” because i have this habit of getting really hungry when 12am and 3am comes, that sometimes i couldn’t help but really wake up during that time whatever it takes and just that because i couldn’t cook full-blown meals for the life of me (started eating at 3am today actually, because 12am i was drowsy and slept for a while!). doesn’t help either that Masa’s talking about food… i wanna try shabu-shabu! i saw a shabu-shabu restaurant this weekend! but it was “Mini Shabu-Shabu” so i don’t have an idea how “mini” it is ^^;;;)

i also managed to do most of the laundry today *quite accomplished*

also! i think this is my final wishlist! by order in which they’re supposed to be bought!:

…well, i hope so. haha ^^;;; i just want Flood’s body too, in white skin, and poor Spinel pushed way back down. i added the Silver there because i had decided i really want to see for myself if he would BE my Kim though deep in my heart i already have a feeling he would be… my poor Moon =(.

my new DoA sig as well:

ah how i wish i had lots of money to just complete this thing.

my MU download keeps on dying too. ugh. oh it’s working a bit finer now.

i’ll be contacting Crescent Shop today, and Soom too. maybe bargain with Soom moving my next layaway schedule to the end of July? because i’ll be buying some Ba-chon travelogue and DL5 dvd heehee. i wish Soom will allow me… *cross fingers*

i’m also still upset about… yes, you already know (read back). being at the mercy of other people… i never liked that feeling -___-.

not so edit: my sabotenda i finally picked up from my post office today. OF COURSE. THIS ALSO. MEANS WAR >= ( :

my Ryo biyou no karte is the last time i’ll ever use the non-registered airmail service. i swear. dammit it just sunk to me again that those girls actually sent out the airmail non-registered. grr >= (.

…i hope this is the first and last time i’d ever wage war against anybody on LJ. no matter how diplomatic it would sound to be.

i didn’t want to term it as a “war”, but technically this feels like i’m about to go into a very long battle >__<. those girls aren’t e-mailing yet (on vacation), and i’m getting even more upset by the day. i just want this solved… though it might mean i would just get a refund and not get the Rikkai photosets after all well i fucking hope for a refund at least >.<. so much for waiting, and trusting those girls’ claimed reputation in handling those type of orders “efficiently”. even though i heard ordinary airmail has a disclaimer that it would possibly get lost (though i really swear i didn’t see any kind of disclaimer on the preorder post), OF COURSE I WOULD STILL DAMN STRUGGLE — its my friggin $96 after all >= (.

and this had been my first time doing this too. i hate feeling this fucked…

and as much as i want to keep this between me and the sellers (that’s why i even suggested the e-mail correspondence in the first place), i really can’t help but think about murderous rebuttals and thoughts in my head when worst comes to worst…

i hate conflict, but i still damn know when to fight for my right.

…i also better stop before i get anymore angry than i already am…

sorry if my post sounds so schizo. i’m starting to go Seth-ish. i’m just really pretty upset lately. must be lack of nutrition too >_>.

so basically i went “meh” again and just went ahead to buy myself some Good*Come magazines, the recent Cool-B mag (Sweet Pool! *dance!*), and that Ryo biyou no karte (やった…). i would have wanted to buy some Arena 37°C Specials as well but my cc is again maxed @___@;;. damn the time Leon white would finally release itself -___- — i’ll just think about where the hell i’ll get the money for that head when it’s already really there. meh. yes, I have prioritized getting my own dose of MasaxBa-chon instead of having Vincent’s mold finalized hahahaXD. as i’ve said, my patience has its limits, and i’m never really good with waiting.

which reminds me… those Rikkai photosets >.<. yes.
and about my oh-so conflicted view on finding the “real” Kim… i think i’m nearing the point where I’d actually replace my Redemption The Moon and get the Blueblood’s Silver as THE Kim. ken’s comments made me doubletake again^^;;;. if i’ll be getting the Silver, i might be modding the forehead… i dunno. make the eyebrow bridges higher…?

and being there’s a vast amount of taller white bodies out there, i think i won’t have a problem anymore regarding Kim’s supposed-to-be height compared to Shi (Shi would be the 70cm Abadon head+SSDF white skin hybrid, while Kim would more likely be a 65cm body… a Soom? its muscle detail is not so Kim though). but then… the skin tone *dies*. i wouldn’t want them in the same skintone, but… unless Blueblood creates a Silver Normal skintone matching Soom’s i wouldn’t be able to do anything…

i think i’ll just wait and see what happens to Blueblood in the next months i hope Silver wouldn’t run out of stock by then yet.

…but nuuuuu… I LOVE MY MOON ;___; *huggggggggggcry*. yes i’m so loyal to it like that, and somehow re-delegation feels like i’m betraying him ;^;... maybe he’ll just be Toru(?) then, the counterpart to my Sard which I have talked about some posts ago. but what will happen to my Bertram head then…? =___=;;;…..

i… don’t know. i’m really still thinking about this =___=…

asdfdfdkghdlgkjl WAWA has done it again:

trying… my best… to… resist… asdkfhskghkgldslgldg purple *___*…. no Salla you don’t need anymore clothes >.<…!

and i don’t know if i’ll purchase High Profile from nDoll or just wait for it to come out at Dollheart itself. argh.

…why am i still even thinking about this, when i don’t have anymore money. ROFL.

my WAWA clothes i had actually picked up last… thursday? (the 19th?)… meh i dunno for sure. my sense of date and time is already wanked @___@;;:

umm… i haven’t opened it yet. like what i’ve done with that epic dress from S+K XDDD. because i have that much respect for Salla, whose doll incarnation isn’t here yet (the Kara Klum). he wouldn’t appreciate fitting his clothes to somebody else. yes. yes i’m weird like that. but if i can’t really stop myself i’d probably end up fitting this on Kim, haha.

…so basically i wouldn’t be able to check if there is such bummer stuff like the workmanship not being good after all =___=;;.

my Togainu no chi Shiki figure + the limited PS2 also i took home with it. yay, dogtag~~~~ (i wore it to work hahaha)

and somehow i managed to go on to the next level on my job — THAT HELLISH NESTING PERIOD. 1 month of new hell. and after that, another deliberation, to see if we can move on to the OJT stage+certification for regularization. at that period i’d get some additional training money. if i get certified and regularized i’d have additional salary. yes (>.<)o <—*determined mode*. being regularized for at least a year means also earning myself a right to get a loan and slap it at my bank’s face, which means paying for my flat would be a whooooooooole lot easier and lighter…. (like, a 25 year term to pay for it all. hahaha XD)

…why am i rambling. yes. i’m also kind of worried too about my DL5 Rikkai photosets. OMG IT’S NOT YET HERE AND IT’S ALMOST A MONTH. i have to calm myself down before i pm that girl >__>…

i think i’ll be buying off those wigs from Elemental now. when she gets around to removing the “Closed for restocking” status and replying to my pm that is. and ordering that Ryo… no karte. and omfgadsdfslfjsldgjls High Profile’s already sold at nDoll *panics!* why the hell isn’t it at the Dollheart site??? hongkong’s nearer >.<~~~~. because i’m kind of getting tired and pissed waiting for that Leon white release. it’s been almost the end of the month. another promise broken. meh =/. (i’m starting to think now that whatever she had earned from selling off Leon normal is the money supposed to fund Leon white. but no, Leon normal isn’t sold out yet. huh.)

today i also made the 2nd layaway payment for the Sard. やった。 i think i already have a name for him.

admittedly, i’ve somehow had this kind of partiality with Kimberly. almost like, the mold is not really the character itself… or the mold just not really being “there”. like THE Kim is still lacking (and it’s not because of the 60.5 height =/).

the reason why Kim is still with me and not being sold off is because the attitude of the character is there. and my partiality for my dolls is part of my love for them. just like in Seth’s case — though the eyes are too big and the skin too white and the elf ears are there i’m still keeping him (and it’s not just because he’s a “limited” mold, and damn i’m still even keeping his sleeping vampire head too and it’s not just for posterity reasons >.<…)

then i see this:

www.blueblooddoll.com

certainly looks like a permutation of the Yder. the only thing i see lacking in this mold is that regal-looking nose THE Kimberly is supposed to have. so, again, like The Moon as Kim, it’s still not “there”.

…granted, i do recognize that no doll mold there could come really really really close to the design of the characters in my mind except maybe the Abadon head as my Shi of course XD.

so i shouldn’t be tempted. really. *tries hard not to do major fail* the only thing that’s kinda stopping me from caving in is the fact that he’s only white skin. and Kimberly is not supposed to have white skin so that my Shi’s skin color would stand out in contrast.

on real life note, i’m basically trying to survive now so i could still move on to the next level of job nesting period and pay off Sard until at least the end of the layaway period. yes. so i’m busy and stressed like hell for this whole hell week right now. how i wish it was already friday but how i wish i wouldn’t get kicked out of my job yet, despite all the major fail i seem to be doing. i don’t really know what’s wrong with me =____= (or, most likely, its the job description itself that is not my specialty after all). and i’m not getting enough sleep again. damn.

I look back at the previous post and I laugh bitterly at the irony. I actually intended to post that Kim and Billie first meeting today, but my mood right now’s quite under the weather. Yeah, it’s raining, btw… but I actually love the rain =). if i had my own place i’d most likely get myself soaked. it’s just circumstances that make people associate rain with sadness. i don’t want to blame my sadness as a cause of the rain… this is all my own doing, i did see.

anyway, speaking of Kim and Billie, their pic way way before had never been posted because of that USB busted problem. well, surprise surprise, it has been determined that my motherboard’s busted >.<. it’s hopeless and only has a lifespan now a few months, or, luckily, maybe a year or two. great. OMFG I JUST BOUGHT THIS MOBO LAST YEAR >.<. i really can’t believe it.

moral lesson: if your UPS finally dies on you, immediately replace yeah i know it’s partly my fault but i didn’t expect the breakdown to be that fast…and don’t buy MSI MOBO. ever >.<.

so… money drain. ah… worst thing though, 1) i had to negotiate something with parents (which is the cause of… >__<…), and 2) there is no friggin’ 975x mobos ANYWHERE here. omg. that one kind guy at the pc shop has told me though that my request is forwarded and it would take three days or so to find out if there is that 975x mobo in those brands i specified available outside the country. >.<. find out, not assured.

i really don’t want to think about this ;___;…. if a new mobo would actually be available… (i hope it does because it just breaks my heart working with this MSI mobo right now ;___;…)

anyway, on other store front… ok, Jamie’s sending the refund. and i fixed the cc today. so hopefully by tomorrow i could finally pay off those JPOPDolls wigs. and maybe have some extra buying maybe those Taiwanese props (IF the seller answers promptly by tomorrow, that is 0__0…)… and/or that 咎狗の血 Shiki necklace (depends if the Taiwanese girl gives me a discount on the props…).

…damn i really want that necklace @__@. i think my only weakness in this world right now are limiteds and silver accessories. specially if they’re crosses. i’m actually surprised i have that much crosses atm. damn. but i want that U-ta mayfly necklace too… wah >.<! i wish i win a lottery or something…

and damn this waiting for Leon white is killing me. i really couldn’t budget anything until he arrives. i hope he doesn’t sell via makeup limitation, please ;____;…

and yes i do not have self-control as you see? but you know that already haha XD.

Jess was also released today. along with Frey. all I can say about Jess… I LUV MY LU-WEN MORE XDDDD. Lu-Wen’s got more luscious lips and lidded eyes, haha XD. and for Frey… ugh… handsome boy… must… resist…. (actually i’m checking out his clothes more XDD)

and tomorrow… i would be applying for a job again. i wish myself luck. and i hope i don’t carry over the hangover from tonight.

;___;….

…i just feel so sad. even with a new HD and some Rembrandt pastels and choco milk a seemingly normal day is once again ruined. all because of just one phone call…

i wish i was lying on a big empty field right now, with some pinot noir and chaser, looking up the stars with the one i love. that would also be a good way to die, i think. but right now i think i’d more likely die of a sad, sad heart.

i wish it was the GW event already *rolls around the floor in agony*. by just waiting, i have quite cleared up my room further a bit. just some surfaces to dust again, a whole table to clear, some area of the floor to clear, shoes to put away and a floor to sweep and mop. once i finish that i would move back in and start stitching stuff and doing faceup for Seth *nod nod*

anyway, as i also want to clear my too cluttered desktop so i could view that Vassalord wallpaper in its full glory, here is a little something. uhh… something i tried which Ken tried at her site — this is like… based on your name, what the contents of your brain could possibly be lol. it’s pretty fun that i ended up doing most of my characters’ names @__@;;:

legend:
疑心 – doubt, apprehension
眼 – eye (huh??)
欲 – desire, craving, greed, longing, passion
悩 – in distress, worry
友 – friend
金 – money
休 – sleep, day off
楽 – comfort, music, relax
遊 – play
酒 – sake/alcohol
嘘 – lie
善 – virtuous, good
迷 – perplexed, in doubt, astray
幻 – illusion
悪 – bad
食 – food
無 – nothing
愛 – love
好 – like
H – ….nyahahaha XDDD…

me first, my adopted name:

uh.. yeah. do i really seem that… lazy XD? well… i do get hungry often lately, i noticed… but still paper-thin, much to my parents’ disdain -__-…

Kim x Shi:

poor Kim >.< (and yeah, Shi’s really “nothing” lol). but at least there’s still a little amount of “liking” there in Shi for him XDD..

it’s a different scenario when Shi’s “real name” is used though (only I know his real name, haha XD)…

( lots more…! got too carried away… )